If you keep getting canceled on, especially for first dates, chances are it’s less about you and more about situational timing. Switch up your approach and you will likely have more success. If you want to know how to make a first date successful and improve your dating success, make these changes and let me know if your luck doesn’t improve.
It can be frustrating to get canceled on time after time, and it only takes a few cancellations before burn out leads to giving up. If someone is confirming a date with you, a meet-and-greet, if they’re agreeing to get together, or confirming a date, irrespective of who initiated, chances are they are interested.
If they back out or cancel, it’s most likely because something else came up and that ‘something else’ could be as simple as the hassle of getting ready on a Friday night after a long week. You’ve already made it past the initial hurdle, make these changes and your success will improve.
Make this Change #1
LOCATION – Meet for coffee/tea, not drinks or dinner
Yes, drinks at the bar are the classic standby, easy to squeeze in, and libations take away the awkwardness. But, as a woman, I’m much more likely to cancel a drinks date than a coffee date. Coffee is way more accommodating, less committal and demanding. Coffee or tea is easy.
Let’s be honest, it gets old getting dressed up to meet for one more date that goes nowhere. If you’re in the dating mindset, dating is almost like a full time job, it’s not a hobby, it’s often not as fun or glamorous as the movies make it seem. You’ve got to put in the time and effort and be prepared for a marathon. Both sides get burned out and after a while it becomes a toss up whether to spend time getting really dressed up for a first date that is iffy.
Other reasons for coffee over drinks:
√ you can actually talk
√ there is real light
√ easily exit if it’s going nowhere. It’s only 15-30 minutes but it’s plenty of time to know if you want more
√ it gives you both time to think it over and want more
√ a short date provides details to bring up next time, you don’t have a long time to cover any subject
Make this Change #2
TIME – Meet at noon or early afternoon
Waiting for the end of the week means your date time is competing with everything else demanding in their life. We all have busy schedules these days and our free time becomes a prized commodity. By the end of the week they may be ready to decompress and shut the world out, they may have other obligations come up. Weekends and evenings aren’t necessary the best time to meet someone new.
A shorter mid-day and mid-week 20-minute interlude squeezed in between work meetings is a lot more likely to feel like an upbeat hello rather than a heavier commitment.
What to talk about
If you struggle making quick small talk on a first date, especially a quick micro date, bring along a small book. It will give you something to talk about, you can introduce them to the writing, and recap it.
“I just finished this and thought I’d pass it along! If it’s not jiving with you/ not your flavor/ if you’re not interested, keep passing it along.”
For more ideas on how to make small talk, watch my discussion, or read the article. Be successful introducing yourself, read this article.
Wear this to be more successful on your first date
Wear whatever you wear on a normal day. If you’re often in workout clothes, wear those. If it’s a suit and tie, wear that. If you usually wear jeans and a tee, wear that.
√ You’ll feel more comfortable and it will come across that way.
√ You won’t have to think about it long.
√ You won’t be disappointed which will add to your dating burnout if it goes nowhere.
Why not dinner?
√ It’s much easier to make conversation for 20-minutes over an hour and a half. If you don’t hit it off, you don’t want to be looking at your watch every 10-minutes.
√ Your behaviors or compatibility might clash, they may be different than you expected. You definitely want to find this out over coffee, not dinner.