1st Time Trying BDSM – 10 Things to Remember

By Jami Rodman

For a YouTube Video of this article, visit this link.

Curious about Trying BDSM for the first time? Maybe you’ve tried something but it felt stilted or weird. Or you didn’t quite know how to start. This list of 10 things to remember will get you well on your way to a successful BDSM experience.

If you associate pain with BDSM – DON’T. Go for Sensation Play – your intro into BDSM.

⛓ BDSM = Sensation

The goal is to make your partner feel excited, electric, you want to create the feeling of anticipation first. Not fear. Work your way up, start with something less scary than fear. Start with pleasure but with a few twists thrown in.

🧠 Mind Play

The biggest piece to BDSM is the mind – your most powerful tool in your BDSM toolkit. The unknown is much more powerful than pleasure or pain or anything in between. You want your partner to not know what’s going to happen.

💥 You’ll Need a Few Things

Something to create sensation
(ice, a feather, your own mouth, breath, pocket warmers)

Something to tie
(an old scarf, pair of pantyhose)

✅ For Tying

Last years tights, an eye mask, or that old Christmas tie in the back of the drawer. They’re soft, they’re easy, you already have them (forget the handcuffs – too rigid, too cold, too cumbersome, too uncomfortable, too awkward) (forget the rope and complicated knots).

✅ For Sensation

Sensation means a lot of a things

Sensitivity
Awareness
Response
Excitement
Thrill
Agitation

Use things that will create these types of feelings.
Cold, heat, tingles, something that stimulates the nerves and creates pleasure or pain.
Focus on just one. Keep it simple. No need to overwhelm yourself or them.

Some ideas
Ice, warmed rocks, oil, fur, feather duster, wartenberg wheel, a flogger (even a cheap one will do)

1️⃣ Take your time!

You’re not in a hurry.
A first natural step – tie up their hands. It puts them on edge and removes their sense of power.

2️⃣ Restrain

Another good option is to blindfold them, but it’s equally powerful to let them see what you’re doing. Try blindfolding for the first half then switch it up.

3️⃣ Stalling?

This is where you might feel like the script stalls, if you don’t know what to say or you feel stuck simply tell them what you’re doing to them. Or tell them what you’re going to do next. “I’m tying your hands to the bed, you can’t escape me now, you’re naked and on full display for me to do anything I want” “I’m opening a bottle of oil because It’s really going to come in handy with what I have planned next.”

4️⃣ Cliffnotes

Something else you can do is take notes, or bullet points to peek at. If they’re blindfolded they won’t know.

5️⃣ The Sensation Part

Start from the outer and work your way in – Hands, lower arms, upper arms, chest, torso, you get the idea. Linger in spots. Whisper. Breathe hot air on them. Then start to move your way down, linger at another spot. Remind them how vulnerable and exposed they are.

6️⃣ Maintain Contact

Keep a point of contact at all times, or add in more than one point of contact. If you reach for something, make sure your leg or hand is still touching part of their body. It keeps a connection intact

7️⃣ Use your Body

Transition to the next step by using your own body. Force their leg further apart with your knee. Hold their hand or leg down with your foot. Bear your weight on them. Rub your arm down theirs.