Thomas – successful & experienced
Thomas and I met every few months. We would share a long night together, drinking, dinner, gambling, then retire to the room. Those ‘distractions’, as he put it, accompanied many discussions about his life. I heard about all of his dating dilemmas, the good ones and the stressful ones. I don’t remember when he started seeing escorts, but he dated conventionally for many years, meeting women through friend referrals, at clubs and events, dating sites, and he even tried the paying dating services. Eventually he became date-weary and turned to paid companionship.
“I can’t tell if she likes me for who I am, or for what I am. You know what I mean? As soon as I take a woman home, I can see the light bulb go on in her head. She sees my life and she changes. She becomes the person she thinks I want her to be. I’m tired of playing games to sort through who is real and who isn’t,” Thomas sighed.
Guys like Thomas, single, successful, well put together, and on the younger side of the average clients, likely had a girlfriend in all major cities. He traveled often for work and at the end of a long week, he wanted to unwind and relax with an uncomplicated date. He mostly turned to escorts, like me for dating. A date with an escort is easy. We show up ready to share a drama-free evening. We laugh at his jokes. Listen to him unravel his day. Give him compliments. We become his drinking buddy if that is what he is in the mood for. We don’t talk about our sick cat, we don’t complain about our annoying neighbor. We listen with a smile on our face, our hair is brushed, and we’re not in sweats. We are always ready to get frisky between the sheets. When the night is over, we say goodbye.
For Thomas, a date with an escort checks most, if not all, the boxes.
“Plus, most women close to my age are ready to settle down and have kids, or they’re waiting for their knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet. I don’t want that right now.”
Thomas decided it was easier to rent a girlfriend, than play the dating game. He didn’t have to follow some form of Sex and the City rules he didn’t understand. Or worry about who was really just a gold digger. He was able to focus on his career better this way, without the complications of a relationship getting in the way.
Jason – career-driven & inexperienced
Another client, Jason, was younger than Thomas, we met when he was in his 20’s. Unlike Thomas, for Jason paid escorts were his only female connection.
“I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I hope to someday. I like a couple of girls at work, but the one I like the most has a boyfriend. I say hi at lunch, and I hope one of them will notice me one day,” Jason said.
Guys like Jason saw escorts because he didn’t feel like he many options, he spent a lot of time at work and the dating scene in San Francisco where he lived was complicated, women were also more focused on a career than a family and by the weekend he felt it was easier to hire someone than try his luck at the bar. For him, dating was just another structured business transaction.
We lounged in bed one afternoon, our hands were intertwined, his foot reached for mine and he draped his head across my chest. Jason enjoyed this part of the date as much as the rest. It was probably the only time a woman listened to him outside of work. Jason was a product of the Millennial Generation and from a young age, most of his life was experienced via a computer screen or a smartphone, and socializing and dating took a toll.
As he grew older, so did his reliance and allowance for escort companionship. He watched porn prolifically and visited escort sites daily looking for new ads and his idea of dating also became shaped by media, video games, pornography, and prostitutes.
We talked about dating sites and Jason had tried a few, “They ask so many questions,” he sighed, “then they disappear, it’s a waste of time.”
Jason felt it was easier to pay someone like me. He knew I would show up and spend time with him, sometimes over dinner, other times we went for a joy ride in his car.
For both Jason and Thomas, they didn’t really have to choose between a career and a companion because they chose to pay for one instead.