The art of seduction – How to date like a courtesan

One of the major business ethos of a courtesan is to find the clients we connect with; the ones we enjoy spending time with, then keep them.

Learning THE ART OF SEDUCTION is how some courtesans keep clients for years, while others do not.

It all starts with listening. It really is as simple as that. When you listen, really truly listen, not 20% listening with 80% of your mind making a grocery list or picking up dry cleaning, when you wholeheartedly listen to someone talking to you, you’re able to dial in on what their unmet need is, then fill that unmet need  in a way that has not been filled before. It could simply be a stranger who cares enough to lend an ear and nod their head, or listen for an entire conversation without interruption, advice or criticism.

I do want to stress the importance of being conscientious, doing this is an incredibly powerful act; don’t go around playing with people’s hearts. Relationships are one of the most important elements we can master in life, and it all begins with the relationship with ourselves. SO you have to ask yourself why you want to learn to seduce this person. Is it because they are compatible with you? Or because you ultimately want something? I’m not going to judge, but just be cognizant. You can learn a lot about yourself, self-discipline, self-awareness, what brings you pleasure and what to avoid, by learning the arts of human interaction.

As humans, we innately crave connection

Think about why you instantly connect with some, business associates, colleagues, a lot has to do with dialogue. When people ask you questions about YOU, you’re the expert, and it instantly makes you feel like the ball is in your court. You feel empowered, you feel engaged, you feel listened to. In business meetings, when you sit down to have a meal with someone, the purpose is to engage in a dialogue. The key word is engage.

One of the things good escorts do is they let the client talk. They don’t complain about their day. They don’t rant about anything. A client is there to relax, unwind, and be heard. That is one of the biggest reasons a client will hire, and rehire, a courtesan. He wants to feel heard, to sit across from a pretty woman over drinks, not make decisions, and just have a conversation.

We hire professionals for the same reasons: be it a therapist, a trainer, a business colleague, a teacher, dentist, mechanic… When a client goes into see any one the first thing that happens is a dialogue about why they came in, they need something, they are frustrated. They want a solution because something wasn’t quite working the way they wanted it to. Whether it was a new career, more money, clients, a bigger social circle, a wife, family, more love, etc.

The one listening is in position of authority, they have the upper hand. People who understand this dynamic can use it to excel and gain advantage: in life, in careers, in relationships.

This is a learned skill and you can use it to your advantage.  You can use it in ways that subtly manipulates the world around you into making it easier to get what you want, or you can use it in ways to connect with others and make them feel connected to you.

When you invite people to talk about themselves not only are they empowered, but they feel more connected to you.  It works in your favor in other ways, too. It makes them feel like you care about them, and when someone feels like you care it starts opening doors, they let you in – to their mind, their emotions, their thoughts. This is where the magic happens.

 

young man and woman smiling on a coffee date

Much too often when another person is talking our mind immediately thinks of responses that will ‘connect’ with them, ‘resonate’ with them, show them we have something in common and we can relate. If you catch yourself doing this gently bring your mind back to their conversation, to their concerns and their thoughts. You will gain tremendous insight into their problem or their interests. And once you know that you can solve their problem or highlight their interests, showing concern, forming a bond and gaining trust.

HINT It may not be a ‘problem’ as much as a ‘situation’ which comes out in subtle ways.  For example, if your date mentions an upcoming event or celebration they’re attending, make a mental note and bring it up next time. Bonus points if your solution is unique…get creative, if they like documentaries or learning, get them a subscription to curiosity stream or GAIA.

It’s a win-win for them, and a win-win for you.

Key takeaways
  • Seduction = attraction
  • Seduction happens in small ways
  • It’s not something you’re born with
  • Anyone can learn to do it
  • It all starts with awareness and  self-discipline – listen more than you talk
And here is the no fail formula

What do they need / what is a frustration / what are their interests > that is their unmet need. Now fill it in a way that is unique.

Again, I’m going to stress the importance of being responsible when you start practicing this on people who might be attracted to you because going around messing with people’s emotions in an irresponsible way is not ethical. Sure, you may not have a goal to marry this person and live happily ever after, maybe it’s a spring fling, or even a one-night-stand but be respectful and conscientious and make decisions in a way that adds value to your life and others. Because the universe (and karma) is counting on it.

 

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