How to Ask for Hot Sex (& succeed at it)

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All that stuff out there about men wanting or thinking about sex more than women, not true. Women watch porn. Women think about sex. In fact, 59% of women want more sex from their relationship, compared to 41% of men, according to research. If you’re dating or in a relationship, you might ask, how to ask for hot sex (and succeed at it)….Read on.

Women generally are not shy about asking for it, despite stereotypes. she’s either going to flat out ask you for it or she’s going to send signals, like flirting, commenting on your social media, when we want a guy to pay attention to us, we put ourselves out there front and center. Sometimes we play hard to get because we like being chased. You like being pursued, right? So do we. Especially if it’s done in a way that is respectful.  Humans like being desired. Desire is the key. 

First of all

Before you go putting any of these tips into action, what kind of relationship do you have right now? Are you together-together, together-sometimes, together-in your dreams mostly? Because that makes a difference. If you don’t know her, or if you don’t have that kind of relationship going on, then maybe you should follow a few other steps first, like the first date, which you can cultivate here. Or the second date, here. Or maybe even make small talk first, here.


A fulfilling sex life is important. According to specialist Sheri Stritof and Dr Carly Snyder, there are numerous emotional, physical and relationship benefits to sex.

Testosterone is responsible for sex, and the more sex we have the higher our testosterone climbs, but we don’t just have to have sex for it to increase, thinking about sex and desire will make it climb as well, explained by this research.

There’s a culture going around that men shouldn’t ask for hot sex. Be assertive. I’m not talking about being AlphaMale dominate, but if you want it, initiate it. I’m a woman and if I want it, I will initiate it. Think in modern progressive terms, and do it.

(Disclaimer — No means no. Responsible pursuit is not the same as obsession. Pursuit is the green light to harass or stalk) 

Women want more sex

All that stuff out there about men wanting or thinking about sex much more than women, not true. Women watch porn. Women think about sex. Research finds that 59% of women want more sex from their relationship, compared to 41% to  of men.

Women want to feel desired. They want desire that leads to hot sex. According to sex therapist, Stephen Snyder and author of the book, Love Worth Makinggood sex means getting authentically aroused which make you feel good about yourself. 

Many women don’t just want sex. They want to feel desired first.  

Couple laughing and flirting and practicing how to ask for hot sex


Four ways to ask for hot sex 


Foreplay & Flirting –

This is like suggesting sex rather than coming right out and asking.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it takes on average 20 minutes for a woman to get turned on, and it can actually be in the entire 24 hours leading up to sex – play into this.

Touch, stroke start outwards and work your way in. its like yoga, you don’t just go to class and pop up into wheel. Master this early and often. Then refine it.

Learn how to turn her on –

Compliment her/ Tell her she is beautiful – every part of her – her body, her scent, her skin, her hair, her eyes, her mouth, her breasts, you get the idea….

Be romantic 

Write her a ♥️ letter. A good ole’ fashioned date invite. Get nostalgic. There is a reason Disney movies focus on the princess with the prince. Be her prince. Plan a candlelight picnic in your backyard, rent an Airbnb, a hotel with an in-room spa.

Simply offer your services

What I mean by this is, offer her an orgasm in whatever way you know she likes one. If she likes you to go down on her, then offer that. If she likes to ride you, then offer that.

Don’t come right out and say, let’s go get it on, but if you’re getting romantic, go all out. Plan a candlelight picnic in your backyard, rent an Airbnb, a hotel room with an in-room spa. Yes, this takes work and sounds like work, but you get what you put into it.

What to avoid

✂️ Dick pic invites

✂️ Sex text invites.  I mean, if you’re just FB or FWB or a ONS, then sure, but if you like her and want her to know you like her, then be respectful of this.

✂️ Hinting. You know those statements such as “remember the time we spent all day in bed together…” That’s passive aggressive.

Keep nurturing it, like a plant that needs watering, you can’t just do it when it looks wilted 

🖤 Send her notes, text messages, emails, cards,
🖤 Compliment her every morning
🖤 Wake her with a kiss (if you live together)
🖤 Always greet her with a hug or a kiss
🖤 Tease her with light humor, women generally like to be teased.

Hot sex takes work

You know, the first time is awkward (being drunk doesn’t count) . The second time is less awkward. The few times after that gets easier. But it does wax and wane. So, it takes work to keep it spicy regardless of the level you’re on.

Don’t pester. Don’t harass. Don’t bully. Don’t expect it.

Although spontaneous sex is appealing, and may be the ultimate goal, you have to make it seem natural. If you need to schedule it around family responsibilities, commitments, kids, work, then schedule it. Scheduling sex does not mean your sex life is in trouble, it’s the opposite really, because you’re saying your sex life is important, according to sex therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson. If it doesn’t work out, don’t even seem disappointed because that may be construed as her disappointing you instead of the situation disappointing you.


If you’ve been dating  a while, she’s likely nearly like your best friend. How would you approach your best friend about it? Just bring it up and ask her.







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