If you want to know what a woman is thinking in a relationship:
1) PAY ATTENTION.
Enjoy the relationship for what it is, when it is. Slow your thoughts down and just experience and enjoy the moments, feel them, let them sink in, smell the roses… pay attention. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re together, pay attention to your emotions and thoughts and energy. Often times when we get into a new relationship or dealing with problems in an ongoing relationship, we want to rush through it, we want answers, we want validation, we want to feel stable.
There is an uncertainty in just letting things be and feeling them. It’s somewhat uncomfortable. That’s one of the reasons we drink when we’re on a new date. It’s one of the reasons we fight when we have a disagreement. Feelings can be awkward and uncomfortable but they’re important; if we listen to them, they will guide us and tell us what we need to know. So pay attention to them.
Stop comparing this relationship to previous relationships. Women are all different. Every relationship is different. Every situation is different. Don’t assume one relationship will follow a similar path because something similar happened in an earlier relationship. What will cause similar relationship patterns to emerge is if your thought process, behaviors and responses are the same as before.
If you default to decision-maker because you’ve been socially conditioned to assume the role. Perhaps you’re an alpha-male, or you had to in your last relationship to keep the peace. You choose the restaurants, make plans when vacationing, book flights and hotels, and you pay. Don’t automatically go into another relationship assuming that is your primary role, especially if you don’t like it. Try taking turns or come up with two or three options to decide on together.
Not only is each relationship a new opportunity to expand and grow, every situation in an ongoing relationship is a chance to approach it differently. If you’ve had communication issues or don’t see eye to eye, such as how you deal with in-laws and holidays, then use each new experience as an opportunity to discuss it, work it out, or approach it differently, instead of allowing it to drive a wedge between you.
When you don’t understand something going on in the relationship – ask. Have a conversation. A dialogue is always better than a monologue you have with yourself trying to guess and second guess what is going on. Communication is a key factor in life.
If you feel that bringing up certain topics causes a fight, then you have a bigger problem to address. Letting problems fester because one partner doesn’t feel they can talk openly and honestly either means you’re not compatible or you’re at different stages in the relationship. Try approaching the topic in a different manner, try opening the conversation with something you appreciate about the person first, or bring it up in a non-heated moment when it doesn’t feel combative. But, ultimately the inability to communicate will hinder the ability of a relationship to prosper.
3) FOLLOW CHAT FORUMS, Q & As, OP-EDs, and SOCIAL MEDIA.
If you really want to learn more about women, increase your exposure, firsthand, second hand – read, listen, participate. The more situations you explore and experience, the more situations you read about and listen to, the more well-rounded your understanding of human behavior will be. Chat forums, Q & As, and Op-eds are a good place to get accustomed to frequenting.
One of my favorites is Quora: a Q & A forum where the content and replies are user-generated and created. Read & subscribe to love and relationship categories, Lovers Bud and Modern Dating are two good ones. Reddit is another great forum. Since online platforms allow users to ‘be anonymous’, people tend to answer from the heart and with minimal filters, which provides you, the viewer, with intimate insight into how people think, act, and feel in real situations. Plus, it also opens your eyes to situations beyond your normal orbit of input.
4) FOLLOW ACCOUNTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND INSTAGRAM.
Behind a screen, people tend to express themselves, their thoughts, and their lifestyle more expressively and openly. While it can be hard to filter out inflation and dishonesty, that isn’t the point really, the idea is to increase your exposure to human behavior. Follow a variety of accounts: women you like, women who inspire you, different ages, maturity levels, social and cultural backgrounds and education levels, love doctors, gurus, therapists, and coaches. Build your ‘collection’, your ‘team’, your ‘library’ of whatever it is that interests you – in this case, it’s women – because the more exposure you have, the more knowledge you will gain in forming a well-rounded understanding of people, of women, of relationships and how they all interact.
Online platforms provide a sense of transparency and ease of use that is difficult to replicate.
So, get out there, bookmark and happy reading.