“I love my husband, but our sex life is non-existent these days. Since we had kids he doesn’t even seem attracted to me anymore,” a woman confided one afternoon, “I miss the romance we once had,” and she finished by ordering a male escort from my agency.
We’ve all seen that stage in a relationship. Where passion grows to friendship. You get to know every birthmark, smile, smell, taste. That’s what we wanted, right? Only, sex got boring.
“I’d rather sleep with someone who’s excited to be with me,” a client divulged, “My wife complains every time I ask her to have sex.”
The appeal to having an affair is the lust, the excitement, the newness of someone different. Affairs come with an emotional charge. They make sex exciting again.
But affairs are also unpredictable. What happens when one of you wants more? And wants it enough to pursue it. They probably know where you live. They know who your spouse is. They know where you work. Enough said.
That’s where Ashley Madison, and escorts, come into play.
Ashley Madison took the unknown out of having an affair, kind of. The idea was simple. Create a profile, much like a dating profile, post it on the discreet Ashley Madison website, covertly peruse other profiles of horny and neglected spouses, and hook up.
One of the biggest pulls to having an affair like this, instead of the traditional way (with a co-worker, a stranger from the bar, a spouse’s friend) was a mutual understanding. Both were ‘cheating’ in secret. Therefore, both had something to lose. It would be a lust-fueled interlude, a fling, in an otherwise boring week.
Perhaps the biggest draw to this style of ‘hooking up’ was both sides were as excited as the other about their romp between the sheets. That unmistakable throb of desire made them feel sexy again.
Hiring an escort, in many ways, is similar. There is discretion, a shared understanding about what it is … and a (perceived) mutual lust.
“I’ve seen escorts for years,” a client confessed in bed one night, “I love my wife, and would never think of having an affair with another woman, but every once in while I like sharing sexual pleasure, giving and receiving, and she’s not into it anymore.”
How can paid sex be mutual you ask? Isn’t sex just another job to them? If they’re charging money for it, isn’t it work? Well, yes, but not entirely.
When someone hires an escort (male or female) they’re paying for a professional, and a professional knows how to make that hour, or two, or five, all about them. It’s like hiring an accountant for taxes, or a lawyer to take a speeding ticket to court. Certainly, you could do it on you own. Just like you could take care of your sex needs, on you own.
At this point many of us have learned how to do just that. We’re the kings and queens of masturbation. Like me, I’m sure some of you own an entire collection of rabbit dildos or pocket rockets. And going to bed one more time with a hunk of plastic has as much appeal as begging your spouse to lay down for 5 minutes so you can get your rocks off. It’s just not as exciting.
That’s exactly why websites like Ashley Madison, and my escort agency, were popular platforms for promiscuity.
In the ten years I worked as an escort and a madam I met hundreds of clients who turned to escorts for sexual satisfaction. Some concluded paying for sex was less like “cheating”. Others came to us after trying out an affair, and realizing it was too risky.
As you can see, both avenues – hiring escorts, and having an online Ashley Madison type affair – have pros and cons. Escorts charge money. Ashley Madison affairs require time and patience. And as we now know, after all that waiting there was a slim chance a hook up would even happen.
One thing they did have in common, was the perceived anonymity, since we’re doing it online, from a discreet website, it must be safe. And here is where we could all learn a little from the escort industry, and the steps we should take in protecting our privacy.
(Image Credit: alphaspirit, Fotolia)