I think most people, at some point in their lives, have an affair. America is infatuated with infidelity. And really, we shouldn’t be. An affair isn’t always a bad thing. It isn’t the end of the world. It is a sign that we’re growing and evolving, as an individual, as a relationship partner. Exploring our feelings and thoughts isn’t unhealthy. Certainly there can be painful consequences when we don’t do it in a well thought out and planned manner. No one wants to throw insecurity into the mix, feelings of betrayal, or see the effects it has on children, but we’re human, we don’t always think rationally. Acting spontaneously and from our heart is how we ended up in a relationship with our main partner in the first place.
What type of affair are you having?
An object affair – when one person is more focused on Facebook, Instagram, work, the kids, church. Sure, its good to have hobbies, and it’s fantastic to spend time taking your kids to volleyball games, but when you intentionally find other interests to fill your time because things at home are ‘stressed’, you’re neglecting your partner and your relationship.
An emotional affair – the ‘ex’ you’ve kept on the back burner and still text every other day, the Facebook friend you turn to first when you have a good day, a bad day, or an indifferent day… anyone you spend considerable amounts of time with, talking to, spilling your secrets, someone you turn to in times of need who isn’t your partner.
A sexual affair – if you’re having intimate relations outside your partnership (and you’ve not agreed on it) then you’re having a sexual affair. Oral sex, physical sex, it’s still sex. This type of affair is strictly about a physical engagement, and nothing more. This is where most escort / client relationships land.
A secondary relationship affair – This is where a secret lover, a mistress or girlfriend, comes into play. This is the most commonly understood kind of ‘cheating’. There is a parallel partnership of both intimacy and emotions.
Having a relationship isn’t always the best way to measure commitment or love toward your partner. As we all know, life can get in the way , stress, in-laws, kids, career goals. If someone is having an affair, they’re doing it for a reason, and it’s probably because they’re missing something in their primary relationship.
Having an affair isn’t the end of the world. It can just as easily make a relationship stronger, but it takes work and communication – equally on both sides. By examining the reasons for having the affair in the first place we understand ourselves more. And understanding what makes us content in a relationship, in life, in our own skin, makes us better equipped to have a better relationship, whether that is an authentic, productive, healthy relationship with our primary partner, or another secondary one on the side.
(Image Credit: Death to the stock photo)