“I put a tracker in her cell phone. I know what she’s doing all the time, where she goes, who she talks to. If she contacts a client direct, I’ll know,” the pimp declared. “As soon as I take her on I throw away her old phone and give her a new one. All her old numbers are gone. She’ll make new friends with other girls in our circle.”
“I love him, Haley. He took me away from another pimp who was absolutely horrible,” the 19-year-old gushed, “He said he would have my back and show me the game. Him and his girl are so nice, I’m going to get rich.”
To understand why women and girls, seemingly give up everything they know for a pimp, you have to first understand what the pimp brings to her life. Or what she thinks the pimp brings to her life.
I’m going to take us back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, (alternatively, you can view my previous discussion here)
This pyramid theorizes the concept that human motivation is based on a hierarchy of needs. The basic needs are addressed and met before a person moves onto the next stage of personal development.
The base of the pyramid, our basic needs, are physiological –
Food, water, sleep, air, the basic elements that keep us alive
This is a pimps first form of control. He doles out food, clothing, cell phones, even shoes can be removed when it suites his purpose of enforcing control and dependence.
Next comes safety –
This can be in the form of job security or a health care plane, retirement, and the like.
However, it can also mean safety in the form of shelter, a place to sleep or call home, a roof over our head when it rains, a place of physical security and safety.
Pimps work off this element second. Coercion, threats, physical harm, all fall under this category. This is the basic concept that streetwalkers aren’t allowed to come home until they’ve paid their daily quota. When someone is always under the threat of having their physical safety removed, their personal development will never reach it’s fullest potential.
This lies in the realm of family and friends. Some of us might be more reclusive than others, while some are social butterflies. Some of us might prefer jazz and ballet over head banging metal concerts, but we all have a need to be liked and “approved of” by other humans.
This too is where pimps assume control. They become their ‘victims’ sole connection with the world, until the pimp decides to introduce her to others he approves of. Usually this is other escorts, clients, people in his circle that condone his own interests.
Personal value and worth
Achievement in the office, in sports, in life
Recognition when achievements are made
This area is of particular importance to the pimp. This is where he’s able to manipulate and twist the sense of self respect and self esteem of the woman he’s dominating. He breaks down her sense of self and make her reliant on him for personal confirmation about herself. She questions everything she does, maybe she’s not good enough for him, maybe his other girls are better, she lives for his praise. This is also how the more advanced pimps motivate their girls to compete with one another to earn his praise.
Religion, writing, higher achievements in sports, making music, involvement in theater, volunteering
This is the ultimate goal of becoming developed as a human and it is something, that once we reach, we’re always striving for.
Most women involved with pimps will never end up here. They just don’t have the chance to develop as an individual as much as it takes to get here.
The fundamental concept of a pimp is to remove someone’s motivation and thought of personal development. They want to keep her under control because that’s what keeps him in business.
Let us talk about the different kinds of pimps.
He’s my…..dude, man, boyfriend, manager, boy, daddy – they have all kinds of nicknames. I call them, simply, pips. If he takes their money, regardless if he’s “investing it” or “saving it” or just “taking it”, he’s a pimp.
Boyfriend Pimp –
- One girl
- Romantic Involvement, sometimes a much older male
- Target – younger women
“If you love me you’ll do this for me”
“Let’s do this to make enough money so we can run away and start a new life”
“If we love each other nothing else matters”
He’s in a romantic relationship with one girl who he encourages to start escorting. He might truly love her, but the ones I’ve seen start getting violent because they don’t know how to handle their feelings about encouraging her to sleep with other men. He starts to get manipulative, accuses her of liking the men she’s sleeping with yet in the next breathe she’s not making enough money because he wants a new car, or a new place to live. These aren’t the most sophisticated types of pimps, they get involved out of desperation sometimes, or because they’ve seen someone else do it and they idolize the concept.
Romeo Pimp / Loverboy Pimp–
- One girl at a time (or so she believes)
- Romantic involvement
- Target – Emotionally unstable young person, runaway, someone looking for acceptance, sweet and naïve
“You’re the one”
“You deserve the world, and I’m the one who can give it to you”
“We belong together, we can make the world happen”
“I can’t believe no one has snagged you yet, you’re a dream”
“Let’s run away together”
This type of pimp is often a recruiter for a larger organization. He finds a girl and pretends to fall for her quickly. He smothers her with compliments. Conditions her to become emotionally attached, then hands her over to a larger organization.
The Loverboy pimps are very common in eastern Europe, and especially among young gay men. The pimp preys on the vulnerability of the social needs of his prey.
Finesse Pimp / Player Pimp –
- Psychological trickery
- Target – Social media, Facebook, Instagram, Nightclubs, School
“You’re not like the others, you deserve someone like me to take care of you”
“I’m doing things with you I don’t do with any of my other girls”
“I’m a ballar and I need a girl by my side, that’s you”
This type of pimp is flashy, flamboyant, and will work within a group of other girls and other pimps. He’s a show off, and he’ll often go after girls who wouldn’t normally be drawn to the pimp lifestyle, pretending to be enamored with her. He prides himself on using psychological trickery to convince a woman to be with him. He’s arrogant and believes he’s special enough to get women to pine after him so much they’ll do anything for him and his well being. Often he has several girls he’s working on recruiting, and several girls who work for him full time, playing them against one another.
- Sometimes puts up an ad for models wanted, ‘no experience necessary’, recruits from anywhere.
- Target – Colleges, coffee shops, shopping malls, nightclubs
“I’m an agent, you’re so hot, you should be a model”
“I believe in you so much I’m going to put money up to take your photos”
“everyone in the business is doing it”
“I’ll make you rich”
If he promises instant stardom, wants nude photos or ‘bikini’ shots, invites you to his home to take photos, be careful. Often there is a hidden camera in the closet or he could use the photos to blackmail you.
Has one or two girls he’s working on and he’s often a recruiter for a larger organization. Once he gets one, he goes on to another. Works through girls who are friends with a girl he’s recruited. Not sophisticated at all, you could look at him more like a street corner drug dealer. Probably won’t be around for long, he’s kind of like the sneaky little spider monkey who runs around stealing things, usually under someone’s guidance, easily replaced, not predictable. Sometimes he’s working on becoming a mack pimp.
- Target – he usually prefers stable women who aren’t full of emotional drama and needs, strip clubs, older women, nightclubs.
This guy is a hard core business man. He has several prostitutes and other male assistants working for him, sometimes all living in the same house. He looks at his profits and loss, each woman is an expense yet an asset. If there’s a bad apple, he gets rid of her. He keeps one as his top girl, aka ‘bottom bitch’, who he raised from the bottom up and she grooms the new girls and keeps them in line. Sometimes he will have a relationship with each one simultaneously, getting each to have a baby with him so there are forever ties.
Jonas Pimp / Gorilla Pimp
- Uses force, kidnapping, missing children, gets her hooked on drugs and alcohol
- Target – usually someone he knows, parties, teens, chat rooms
“let’s hang out alone”
“I know a party we can go to”
“I’m going to send out all these pictures of you naked if you don’t do what I ask”
“I know your family, I’ll tell them you did this if you don’t do what I say”
These are the ones that tattoo their girls, shave their heads if they disobey, he beats her, water boards her, throws her into a gang bang, locks her into an apartment for a month feeding her heroin until she submits.
Of course, there are a whole slew of steps he takes before getting to the “pimp” stage with a new girl.
Sometimes it takes a few days, or a few months, but pimps can be patient. Often they start out as ‘friends’. He listens to her, lends an ear and a shoulder, especially when no one else does. He becomes her confidant, and her knight in shining armor.
He becomes whatever she needs, be it a father, brother, protector, or lover.
This is called the wooing phase.
They’ll go out for coffee, dinners, sometimes on trips, but he becomes her friends and entices her to lean on him for all her emotional support.
Then comes the domination phase
He pulls here away from her friends and family. He leads her to believe she’s not doing enough for him, that she’s always on the brink of becoming his “favorite”, or becoming his “girlfriend”, she just needs to be more dependent on him. He picks fights with her, breaks down her emotional security and self esteem until she’s dependent on him
The training phase
He’ll take her around to meet his “customers”, will force her to have sex with his friends, train her during a gang bang, etc, until she’s willing and ready, and then:
He’ll have her working in any capacity she’s deemed capable of. Sometimes that’s a strip club, other times a brothel. He’ll put her up on a website or on craigslist, or have her walking the street. It all depends on his level of experience, the demographics, and on her level of capability. If she’s drugged up or beaten, she’ll work in an underground brothel, if she has her wits about her and she’s still young and pretty he may put her up on a site or have her working a circuit.
What if someone you know is involved with a pimp?
She might not want to be “saved”. Remember the old saying, you can’t save an alcoholic or a drug addict until they want to be saved? You might force them into rehab, or you could spend hours talking to them until you’re blue in the face, but you cannot make them not want to pick up the bottle again.
DON’T TALK BAD ABOUT THE PIMP – YOU HAVE THE BE THE STRONG ONE HERE. Remember, that pimp, regardless of how much he is hurting her, is her lifeline to the world, and whatever you say WILL GET BACK TO HIM. He most likely has a tracking device in her phone, and until something happens to change her mind, she will be fiercely loyal to him.
If she’s escorting it’s next to impossible to break away. Even if she didn’t really want to do it when she started. Once they start, it’s almost impossible to stop. Be supportive regardless. One day she may come back. But don’t expect her to stop escorting if she does. She might really want to sometimes, she might talk about it, but like I said before, she’s getting something from it, just like she did when she hooked up with the pimp. If both elements are taken away, the escorting and the pimp, you’re looking at a recipe for disaster, not always, but you really have to understand the psyche of why she got involved to begin with, and that’s what needs to be worked on.
When I tried to stop escorting it took me months upon months to fully quit. I was in an open relationship with someone who understood I just needed my space. We both did. We were best friends and supportive of one another in all aspects of life. We didn’t need to smother one another, or insist that our private areas could only be seen by them. The calls continued to come in and every now and then I would take one. I started wanting to be with my boyfriend more and more. I would think about him instead of the client I was with. Eventually I started ignoring the phone.
Why didn’t I get rid of my phone? Because it was my security blanket. I knew I could go and see a client and feel that power and that independence all over again.
Sometimes I hated my boyfriend for pulling me out of escorting, for enticing me away from what I had liked doing for so long. I hated myself for turning down the work and the money. But eventually those feelings started dwindling. I stopped answering my phone. I told the few clients who stuck around that I was leaving the business, so they would stop pulling me back. And then, one day, the desire to go out and sleep with a stranger for money, just went away.
She might slip up, and do it every now and then, at least she’s not with the pimp anymore, be thankful for that.
What happens to girls who do end up with pimps?
- Some do break away.
- I saw a girl, start escorting at 14 or 15, enticed into the business by a relative. She got married, had a baby.
- Others don’t.
- I watched one of my best friends go down that “pimp hole” and never come back. She lived between hotels and broken down cars with a duffle bag, waiting for that pimp to come give her a fix, of love, drugs, a few words of encouragement…whatever it was for the day…until she just disappeared.
- I saw another, smuggled over from Eastern Europe, bought, sold to a rich pedophile, escape, and had a gps tracking software removed from her leg. Then she went right back to the pimp who brought her over and it wasn’t long before she was hooked on heroin.
- And another, started snorting heroin with rolled up hundred dollar bills, then tossing them into the trash.
All those young women were bright, pretty, and seemed to have the world going for them. They had an education, money coming in, supportive families, but they were missing something they found in the words of a pimp.
It’s in our personality as humans to try to better our lives . That’s why we try harder at work, at school, and in life. We shop for new clothes and cars. It’s also in our personality as humans to want to be liked, loved, and appreciated. Pimps generally provide all that for their women. Some pimps see themselves as being in a mutual work relationship with their prostitutes, others see pimping as a form of control over women. They will generally convince themselves that ‘all the women in the prostitution industry aren’t forced into it, she has to enjoy or, or she would leave’. There are physically abusive pimps and others who use psychological control, but they all use some form of manipulation and lies to keep women working for them.
Pimps are not sexy, they’re not cool, and they don’t love anyone past their money.
Note to reader – I am stereotyping genders in this article; male – pimps, female – prostitutes. That’s mostly because that is who I dealt with in the past several years. There are female pimps and male prostitutes, I just didn’t have enough correspondence with them enough to base this discussion.