I winced when I read the latest on Ashley Madison – roughly 30 million “real” men signed up, to meet “fake” women. Only 1,500 women checked their email from the site (says the whistle blowers). The women’s profiles were (supposedly) created by the employees of the site to lure men in.
If that is true, why would men sign up, and women not?
To understand this, we first need to look at what men and women get from sexual—intimate fornication.
For the men reading, you likely pulled “sexual” from this sentence. To the women, it was probably “intimate”. I’ll confess, I did.
That is the difference men and women (usually) get from having affairs.
“I just want to get laid,” a client spouted, “That’s it. If she put out a few times a week I’d be fine. But noooo, she’s cold and non-existent. That’s where you ladies come in,” and he patted my arm and smiled.
Of course, there are always two sides to every story.
“I don’t know why he won’t talk to me about it,” a woman sighed into the phone. “I know he’s been seeing prostitutes for years. I can’t blame him, really, we’re lucky if we have sex once a year now. If he would just open up, I’d feel more inclined to be intimate. The thought of just laying there and letting him have his way makes me sick.”
In the last ten years I heard hundreds of stories like this, first as an escort, then as the madam of a popular escort agency. No only did the clients vent their frustration, so did the wives of these clients, after stumbling across my number in her husband’s phone.
Men often detach emotion from their physical self. An orgasm is a quick way to release tension, to validate his masculinity, or just get his rocks off.
For him sex can simply be sex – a physical act of sexual expression or intercourse between two categories.
“I just want to eat pussy, why is that so hard to understand? She used to love it when we got together, that’s one of the reasons I married her, but now…” he said, “Now, hell, I have to feed her a whole bottle of wine and I’m lucky if I get 3 minutes.”
For women however, sex is emotional, an intimate experience, a way to bond with their partner.
“I feel so vulnerable to let him see me after having the baby, I can’t relax. I don’t want him going down on me, looking at me down there, you know?” My best friend confessed, “He just rushes in, we don’t go on dates, he never tells me I’m pretty anymore. I’m afraid he’s going to laugh when he looks at me.”
When we look at how men and women approach having an affair, again, there are distinct differences. Women look for more of an intimate experience. Someone who will make her feel wanted and sexy again. Men tend to grab quickies, hookups, one night stands, or buy an hour with a prostitute.
That’s exactly what Ashley Madison capitalized on.
Membership, and window shopping, was free for both sexes. But if a man wanted to initiate a conversation, or chat with a woman, it cost money. Not only were women fewer and far between, the ones who did exist, likely preferred a lengthy “getting to know you period”. So the men purchased that talk time.
Of course, all this is of the average. Not all men, nor all women, feel the same. That’s where the 1,500 women’s emails come in.
(Image Credit: studiostoks, Fotolia)