We go to the doctor when we’re sick, we see a psychotherapist for emotional support. And we have sex therapists for intimacy issues. The loss of a partner, divorce, inexperience, or insecurity get in the way of sexual satisfaction. That’s where sexual surrogates, sex therapy, and sex providers (escorts, sugar babies, dominatrices) – come into play.
People who have sex for money are sex professionals.
“Ever since I lost my legs I’ve not had the courage to date women,” a client confessed, “That’s why I see you ladies.”
In the last decade as an escort, and a madam, I saw married guys and virgins, power players and introverts. All of them came to me for a reason. Some just wanted to get laid. They didn’t have the time or confidence to date. Others came to me because they wanted to feel desired again, and I was the only intimate connection they had with another human being.
As an escort, I provided a form of therapy. I was a paid professional – a provider of intimate and sexual needs.
“I freeze every time a man gets close to me,” I heard a woman say, “part of me craves intimacy but I get terrified to take my clothes off, I have this C-section scar…”
A sex surrogate or surrogate partner therapy helps in situations like this, where sexual activity is a challenge.
Most sexual problems are psychological. Getting past that requires trust and communication. In sex therapy, these types of issues are worked out between a client and a therapist, and often times, a third person – a sex surrogate.
A sex surrogate is the hands-on, between the sheets, part of sex therapy.
Sometimes those sessions focus on relaxation techniques, intimate communication, and social skills. Some clients have fears of rejection or insecurity; or they may have compulsive issues. They see a sex therapist to work out those issues, and the sex therapist refers them to a sex surrogate to do their “homework”.
A sex surrogate, and a sex provider, carry out exercises on intimacy and sex.
There is one more type of sex provider – a dominatrix. My roommate was a dominatrix, and many of her clients came to her because they, too, craved an intimate connection with another human being. Many of them had been power players for so long, that being in control was all they knew how to do. They lost the ability to open up and be vulnerable around someone.
“I hate making decisions that affect thousands of people, then I have to go home and do the same thing all over again. I deal with crises every day at work, I’m the family problem solver, my wife leans on me, my parents rely on me, and so do my kids. I just want an hour where I don’t have to be that person anymore,” another client said.
These types of clients see a dominatrix because in a session he doesn’t know what is going to happen, and the uncertainty forces him to trust, that she wasn’t going to harm him or laugh. It broke down his walls and allowed him to open up again.
There’s no shame in hiring a sex professional.
Sexual surrogacy has been around since the 1970’s when the human sexuality researchers William Masters and Virginia E. Johnson introduced the concept. Sex providers have been around since, well, the dawn of time.
Healthy sex contributes to a healthier life – increased self esteem, a stronger immune system, lower blood pressure, 45% lower heart disease, increased bladder control, decreased risk of prostrate cancer, regulated hormones, improved sleep, and less stress! That is, as long as the sexual relationship you’re having is a healthy one. An uncertain sexual relationship, like infidelity, hidden boyfriends, or mistresses bring added stress.
By paying a sexual professional, regardless if you choose a sex surrogate, a sex provider, or a dominatrix, since it’s a business transaction, you’re removing that unwanted element of uncertainty that comes with an unhealthy sexual relationship.
According to the International Professional Surrogates Association, clients are not paying for sex. They’re paying for therapy. Some have been trained as sexologists and are licensed, others have not, and just like with BDSM, some don’t have sexual intercourse, but some do.
In reality, a sex surrogate isn’t much different than a sex provider – just more socially accepted.
We’re all sensual guides and teachers. We all tailor the sexual experience / treatment specifically to the clients, based on psychological / physiological needs.
Which is right for you?
One notable difference between a sex surrogate and a sex provider, is that a surrogate isn’t hired based on the client’s ideal image preferences, they’re hired for therapy. Most are everyday looking people. A sex provider, on the other hand, since the activity is based more on entertainment, is hired based on looks and attitude. If you’re considering a dominatrix, just make sure you’re on the same page because dommes vary in their approach to treatment.
However, as with all relationships, when two people come together, dating, marriage, sugar baby, dominatrix, or sex surrogates, you have to keep in mind why you’re both there. Sometimes one person gets attached or falls in love, and the reason for hiring a professional goes right out the window.
(Image Credit: lculig, Fotolia)
